Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Thursday, December 13, 2007

LDS Fiction Christmas Specials

by Robison Wells

With the growth of LDS cinema over the years, it was no surprise that we'd soon see an LDS TV channel. I know that you've enjoyed such instant classics as Welcome Back, Elder Kotter, and Who's the Patriarch? But the striking screenwriters have hit LDTV hard, and the network is having to seek story ideas from other places. And, since there's no bookwriters strike--and since novelists are amoral scabs who have no qualms about crossing picket lines--it was only natural for the network execs to recruit from the ranks of LDS fiction.

Here are a few of the upcoming Christmas Specials:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (and a Teenage Girl)
by Josi Kilpack

Fifteen-year-old Jess is having a blue Christmas until she meets a new boy on the internet. He's nice and funny, and he understands her so much better than her parents--especially when she complains about her family's lame holiday traditions. Imagine her surprise when he comes to her house to steal the Who Pudding, the Who Roast Beast--and her! Fortunately, when he reaches the top of Mt. Crumpet, he sees the light. His heart grows three sizes that day, he returns the presents--and Jess--and decides to go on a mission (Cleveland Ohio South). Staring Wilford Brimley as the Grinch.

Merry Christmas, Gidgiddonihah!
by Chris Heimerdinger

Christmas is getting way too commercial, according to Gidgiddonihah, even down in pre-Columbian mesoamerica. Even Gid's own capybara, Snoopihah, has entered a Lights and Display Contest. Lucihah, Gid's childhood friend, attempts to get him involved by making him director of the Christmas play. But then the unbelievers threaten to put them all to death if the prophecies of Samuel the Lamanite don't come to pass! Guest starring Carmen Rasmussen as Peppermint Pattikiah.

Spires of Gumdrops
by Annette Lyon

Sure, Bethany Hansen was involved in the construction of the Salt Lake Temple. But can she build it again, this time out of gingerbread?!

Children of the Promise, Go Where I Send Thee
by Dean Hughes

At the height of The Battle of the Bulge, Alex Thomas misses his family's Christmas traditions. Sure, shooting Germans is great, but it's not snowball fights and eggnog. He also doesn't know what to get his girlfriend, Anna, for Christmas. Knowing how much she loves a certain photo of her family, Alex sells his rifle and buys her a picture frame. Meanwhile, knowing how much Alex loves war, Anna sells the family photo to buy bullets! Wackiness ensues in this comedy of errors.

Jack Weyland Presents: A Country Music Christmas
by Jack Weyland

Jack just wants to have a quiet Christmas with a few close friends and a warm fire. But when John Denver's tour bus gets caught in a snow storm, what choice to they have but to put on a show? Watch for guest star cameos including Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, and Patsy Cline. (And don't miss the final five minutes when Jack realizes all of his guests are dead--zombies! Time to get the shotgun!)

A Very Work-and-the-Glory Christmas
by Gerald Lund

Nothing ever seems to go right for Nathan Steed. His brother is dating the girl he loves, he keeps getting beaten up by the mobs, and, to top things off, Uncle Billy accidentally gave the bank deposit to Mr. Potter! Nathan feels that everything would have been better if he'd never been born. An angel appears (Elias) and shows him what the world would be like: Lydia would have married Joshua and been very sad, Palmyra would have been named Pottertown, and the early church leaders would have been kidnapped and held in a dungeon under the Vatican.

Nathan changes his mind and returns home to his family. He listens to a bell ring and says "Attaboy, Elias!"


At 12/13/2007 11:33 AM, Blogger Melanie Goldmund said...

Snoopihah! Love it! So, Rob, are you saving your version of Scrooge being visited by the ghost of Mr. Marleyancumer for the LDS Publisher Christmas Story contest?

At 12/13/2007 12:20 PM, Blogger Stephanie Black said...

Wow! With Christmas specials like this coming up, we've gotta get TiVo!

Pure genius, Rob.

At 12/13/2007 1:00 PM, Anonymous Jennie said...

Rob, I can't wait until you rewrite, direct, and star in War and Peace. You could probably even make Moby Dick palatable, anyway a lot shorter and more exciting. Is there any chance you could go to work on those wild animals things my husband loves to watch? (I mean real animals, not those BYU-Utah games.)As for the writer's strike, who cares? I might actually watch TV if you were doing the writing.

At 12/13/2007 1:35 PM, Blogger Tristi Pinkston said...

Rob, what would we do without you? I hope we never have to find out.

You hear me? No retirement for you, buddy boy!

At 12/13/2007 1:35 PM, Blogger Annette Lyon said...

Rob, you never cease to bring joy to my life. I needed that laugh!

At 12/13/2007 1:43 PM, Anonymous adrenals said...

Way to go with the Mesoamerican names! I laughed out loud when I read the blogs.

At 12/13/2007 3:24 PM, Blogger Karlene said...


At 12/13/2007 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If only prime time could come close to your talents, Rob :-)

I assume this means you actually read my book--I'm all aflutter!

At 12/13/2007 5:48 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

Madison, that depends entirely on who you are. (But yes, I've read most of the books I alluded to.)

At 12/13/2007 5:48 PM, Blogger Josi said...

Madison is actually Josi when she messes up and doesn't sign out of her daughters account because the PC finally went caput and everyone is now using my Macbook as if they have any ownership--which they don't! And it's taking all kinds of prayers and fasting for me to not scream at the top of my lungs that it's MY computer and NO ONE elses and they need to stop touching my stuff.

At 12/13/2007 5:49 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

Josi! Yes, I read your book. I particularly liked the part with the guy at the place.

At 12/13/2007 7:24 PM, Blogger Josi said...

Oh yea, that part was the best. Lots of prayer and fasting to get it just right too.

At 12/13/2007 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How I wish you were coming out with a book sooner...

At 12/14/2007 1:35 AM, Anonymous Maureena said...


I don't really under stand a lot of this but I THINK it was funny.

I have one question: Where in the world do you come up with all of this stuff!?

I can't even come up with a decent story for a candy chart!

At 12/14/2007 11:06 AM, Blogger Wm said...

It's quite simply really.

You see, Rob is, essentially, a very complex algorithm. Pretty much every author publishing in the Mormon market plus a couple of publicists are tasked with writing clever lines that are input into the RobW2000, which then crunchs and extrapolates them into blog posts.

His books are actually written by the mysterious collective known as "the Three Nephites."

At 12/15/2007 1:07 PM, Blogger Julie Wright said...

Josi has an alter ego???? Yeah . . . I read her books too robby-boy . . . (did you like my ellipses? I put them in just for you) Only my favorite part was when that one girl did that one thing. Brilliant writing really.


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