Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Red Carpet and the Ribbit Awards

by Julie Coulter Bellon

Well, it has been a crazy week of voting. I am so thrilled at the response to the Ribbit Awards. Thank you to everyone who has voted this week both at my email and in the comment trail. This was a lot of fun to do and I got to read some of my favorite blogs from last year over again.

I just have to say I am so grateful to be part of such a wonderful group of writers. I think Stephanie, Jeff, Kerry, Rob and Sariah are some of the most talented LDS writers out there. Of course, credit goes to Sariah for putting the six of us together and founding the frog blog. We couldn’t have done it without her.

So without further ado, let’s join Joan Rivers on the red carpet and see what everyone’s wearing to the gala tonight!

“It’s an exciting night at the Ribbit Awards. We’re all waiting with “baited” breath to see who will be going home with the coveted frog trophies. I’ll guarantee there will be some surprises tonight. Ooh, Kerry Blair has just stepped out of her limousine. She is looking exquisite in her black sequined gown and what looks like matching Badgley Mischka peeptoe shoes. Kerry! Kerry! Over here! *waves madly* Kerry, who are you wearing today?"

Kerry twirls, “I am wearing a Kate Shade original. She is just the sweetest woman and even though we’ve just barely met, I feel like she’s my best friend already. It’s also providential since she has the same last name as my signature character Sam Shade, so I think the whole thing was meant to be.”

“Would you say the match was inspired?”

Kerry smiles indulgently at Joan. “Yes, it probably was. I seem to inspire a lot of people even though I don’t mean to do that. It’s just one of my God-given talents I suppose, to have inspirational words fall from my mouth without even thinking about it!” Kerry waves and moves toward the door blowing kisses. “I have to go! Always remember, you have what it takes already inside you! You don’t need ruby slippers!”

Joan turns back to camera. “Wow, she is inspirational. But I wouldn’t mind some ruby slippers as long as they were real rubies and I could *ahem* sell them later.” She winks. “Back to the red carpet. Up next we have Stephanie Black. She is all decked out in a . . .” Joan clears her throat. “In a flapper’s dress.” Joan tries to raise her eyebrows, but her entire forehead goes up. “Stephanie, that’s an interesting choice of gown you’re wearing tonight. Would you like to tell us more about it?”

Stephanie breaks into a modified Charleston right there in front of Joan. “Back in my day, this is what every proper young rebel wore. I wanted to feel young again, so I put on my best dress from my youth and was shocked I fit into it. All those water aerobics paid off. I took care of my joints in the water and my waistline was a fringe benefit. Get it?” she elbows Joan. “Fringe benefit?” *Stephanie does a little shimmy for Joan to make the fringe wave around*

Joan covers her eyes. “Yes, well, thank you for that image. Maybe you’d best head on in.”

Stephanie shimmies her way through the crowd as young mothers shield their children’s eyes. “Let’s hope someone doesn’t get hurt,” Joan mumbles into the microphone.

“Oh, here we have Mr. Jeff Savage, looking dapper in a tuxedo. Who are you wearing Mr. Savage?” She lays her hand on his arm. “And is that your real name? Savage?” she purrs.

Jeff doesn’t seem to notice the change in her tone. He picks a piece of lint off of her dress and says, “I’m wearing Valentino, of course. Didn’t you hear I am a national author now and sign contracts worth more than . . . “ he lightly touches her nose. “Well, we can’t say in polite company, so we’ll just say my awesome suit was fitted to match my awesomeness. Thank you!” *He waves as he walks into the building*

There is a commotion at the limousine drop off and Joan looks back to see Sariah S. Wilson getting out of the limousine with all of her children in tow. Sariah rushes past Joan with a wave. “I’d like to talk, but the kids are hungry and I need to go change into my skirt.”

“You’re not wearing anything designer?” Joan shouts after her.

“Who has time for that? I couldn’t find any coupons for designer stuff, so I got a great deal at Kohl’s on two skirts, and I got those. Thanks for your time!” Sariah shepherds her children inside.

“Well, I never,” Joan says. “Really, I mean I’ve never shopped at Kohl’s. How interesting.” She smooths her own designer gown. “Julie Coulter Bellon should be arriving any moment. I can’t wait to see who she is wearing. She’s so stylish and fun.” The limousine pulls up and Robison Wells gets out followed by Julie Coulter Bellon. “Oh, I can get both interviews at once,” Joan says into the microphone, but her tone quickly turns from jovial to shocked as she shakes her head in astonishment. “Rob, Rob, Rob, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?”

Rob adjusts his large feathered pirate hat as he postures in front of Joan. “I would prefer that you call me Captain Rob, and I shall acknowledge your presence.” Joan looks down at his tights and buckled shoes. “Who designed your outfit, Captain Rob?”

Rob glances down at her before he looks back up, holding his hand aloft. “I designed it myself. After I’d drawn pictures of it and dreamed about it, I finally made all my dreams come true.”

Joan turns to Julie Coulter Bellon who is standing quietly next to Captain Rob. “Why did you two arrive in one limousine?” she asks. “There can’t be a limousine shortage in this town!”

“Well, no other limousine would take poor Captain Rob and his hat, so I took pity on him and gave him a ride. And, well, I knew I could be dressed in mom jeans and my favorite writing shirt and standing next to Rob I’d still look good.” Julie said with a smile. “Thank you for your time! We’re running late so we must get in and join our fellow frog bloggers!” She pushes Captain Rob in the back and his pirate hat falls down over his eyes. He gives her an annoyed stare and grunts an "arrrrgh,"as he adjusts the feather and stalks silently into the building, his hand still aloft.

Joan turns back to the cameras. “This has been an amazing start to the night. I can’t wait to see who the winners are. I’ll be here to give you the scoop as it happens!”

And this is your last week to vote for the Ribbit Awards. You can either vote in the comment trail or at my email if you like. I will announce the winners next week!


At 7/23/2009 3:25 PM, Blogger L.T. Elliot said...

Great job, Juli--er, uh, Joan. =] This was hilarious! Can't wait to see the winners and hear their acceptance speeches. =]

At 7/23/2009 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was fall off my chair funny, Julie. Loved the interviews. Very creative. Joan is one of my most favorite interviewers. She's so enjoyably shallow.

Vote for Kerry!!


At 7/24/2009 1:47 AM, Blogger Kelsi Rose said...

I just want to know if Rob will be wearing his captain get up tomorrow in the July 24th Parade. This post totally made my day.


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