All Because Two People Fell in Love

by Robison Wells

You'll have to forgive my absence yesterday. I was doing that thing with the guys at the place.

In other news, my wife, Erin, has a big Enrichment Night coming up, wherein all the women are making little crafty knick-knack things. Erin is not a crafty kind of person. It's not like she can't paint blocks of wood--it's that doing those kinds of things are kind of dumb. (Likewise, she has the philosophy that if a scrapbook page takes longer than about ten minutes to make, then you might as well flush your wasted life down the toilet.) (Also, when she reads this blog she'll likely tell me that I've grossly mischaracterized her homemaking ideologies. But, I claim freedom of the press.)

So, anyway, one of the items available for Enrichement Night is the infamous Painted Sign With Cheesy Aphorisms. If you don't live in Utah, you might not be familiar with these signs, but rest assured: they're the thing to have. Generally, they have appallingly sweet sayings (such as "All Because Two People Fell In Love..." or "Love Like There's No Tomorrow") and they're hung over the front door. Here are some examples of real signs, taken from actual stores on the internets.



If you couldn't tell, I don't like these things. I mean, I don't hate them--I just think they're dumb. If you have one of these things in your house, I'm not questioning your taste or style. I'm just saying that these things are cheesy and I don't want one.

However! Erin said that the signs at Enrichment Night don't come with stenciled quotes on them already--you make put ANY quote on them! And, as we sat around the kitchen table, she and I came up with quite a few ideas that are vastly superior to "Earth Laughs In Flowers".

For example, imagine your stylishly decorated Ivory Home in American Fork, and above the door a sign proudly declares:


A few of my other favorites. Such as Salvador Dali:


Or Mick Jagger:


Or, everyone's favorite little dictator, Hitler!


Or, the classic line from Fight Club:


Karl Marx!


Or, my favorite of all, Che Guevara:



I think any of these signs would be a fine addition to Mormon tract home. I'm currently in communication with a factory in Malaysia, and these signs will soon be available in a store near you!