Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Guest Interview: JK Rowling

Interviewer: Robison Wells

As you know, I work tirelessly to bring you the very best blog possible every single week. I'm servant to your every bidding, and tirelessly strive to please. And, since all you guys have been talking about lately is Harry Potter, I pulled a few strings and managed to secure an interview with none other than J.K. Rowling.

To better set the scene, picture this interview taking place in the lavish confines of Marriott West India Quay hotel, less than one hundred meters from London's Canary Wharf. She's sitting in a high-back leather chair and dining on monkfish ceviche, while I'm sampling the hearts of palm. You can smell the coriander, I'm sure.

Rob Wells: So, Harry Potter, huh?

JK Rowling: Yep.

RW: That's gotta be pretty awesome.

JKR: Well, you know how it is.

RW: Don't I ever! So, tell me: the final book is out and it's selling like crack cocaine in the broom closet of a rehab clinic. What's your secret?

JKR: Seriously, Rob--you don't mind that I call you Rob?

RW: Not at all.

Seriously, Rob, I get a little tired of those questions. I mean, I have a life outside of Harry Potter, you know.

RW: I see. So, what else have you been up to?

JKR: I do a lot of water skiing. And I'm learning macrame. It's not all knot-tying, you know. There's an art to it. I also like to spend time with the family.

RW: Fantastic. Now, enough of that crap. Let's talk about Harry Potter.

JKR: Fine. [JK Rowling finishes her ceviche and moves on to a selection of sashimi.

RW: You sure like your uncooked fish, JK Rowling. So, a lot of people--Christian fundamentalists, for example--have said that your books are leading our children down to hell. What say you?

JKR: It's true. Years ago I sat down with Mick Jagger--he lives here in England, too, so we run into each other, like, all the time--and we conspired to corrupt the youth. He does it with loud music and an unnaturally large mouth, and I do it with wizards and off-putting swear words.

RW: That brings up an interesting question, JK. Everyone seems to be talking about how your books are getting darker. How do you justify that in a kids book?

JKR: Really? Who's been saying that?

RW: Like, everybody? I thought that was just a given.

JKR: Have you even read the first book? There was the Dark Lord on the back of some guy's head, for crying out loud. On the back of his head! That's some dang freaky crap, right there.

RW: But, in book four don't they have some weird ritual and actually use some of Harry Potter's blood in an evil ceremony? That seems awfully dark.

JKR: Oh, baloney. They didn't really use his blood. That was all symbolic.

RW: Symbolic of what?

JKR: I don't know, the alienation of man against nature, or whatever. Can we move on to the next question?

RW: Surely. I heard recently that you're richer than the queen.

JKR: True.

RW: How has that affected you? Is it harder to write about the Weasleys now that you could buy and sell their butts?

JKR: I don't feel like it's changed me. My assistants still dress me in my Oscar de la Renta tweed trousers one leg at a time--the same as everyone else. [JKR uses a one hundred pound note as a napkin, then lights it on fire.]

RW: So, do you have any great spoilers for us about Book Seven?

JKR: You know, it came out ten days ago.

RW: [Laughing] Oh, I never have time to read. You know how it is.

JKR: I suppose...

RW: What about after the book? This will be your last Harry Potter, right?

JKR: Yes.

RW: So what happens when they all grow up?

JKR: You really want to know?

RW: I really want to know.

JKR: Harry joins the Royal Marines, and cleans up the Iraq situation with a few well-placed Avada Kedavras.

RW: Seriously?

JKR: He teams up with Superman.

RW: Wait a minute...

JKR: Are we done yet?

RW: Apparently so.

So, thanks again to JK Rowling! We here at Six LDS Writers want to offer her best wishes with her little book thing. Her stick-to-it-iveness and struggle is an inspiration to us all. See you next week!


At 7/31/2007 3:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhmmm Im just speechless!!! :)

At 7/31/2007 4:06 PM, Blogger Jeff Savage said...

I’d just like to officially announce that I am throwing my hat into the ring to become the next JK Rowling. You really can’t start to early these days. What with the whole western states alliance thing, the heir could be in place by the end of this year.

In preparation I’ve begun having my seven year old put my Old Navy khakis on me one leg at a time, although I may quit after showing up at work for the third time with my pants on backwards.

I'm also starting to grow out my hair (which I've dyed blonde), and begun saying bloody hell and brilliant a lot. I’ll have a new YouTube video out this week in which I throw around a lot of big adverbs and lead children into witchcraft.

At 7/31/2007 4:56 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

For a real interview with JK Rowling, go here:

It's very interesting (and rife with spoilers).

At 7/31/2007 6:00 PM, Blogger Tristi Pinkston said...

I've always wondered what JK is really like -- thanks for this interview, Rob.

And I love hearts of palm, by the way. We'll have to do lunch.

At 7/31/2007 6:03 PM, Anonymous Jennie said...

Rob, you are certifiable. I think that's what I like about you.

At 7/31/2007 6:05 PM, Blogger Josi said...

All I wanted to know is if she liked Mayo or not, you really need to work on your interviewing skills. A professional wouldn't have forgotten such an important point. Maybe it was the jet lag caused from the flight.

At 7/31/2007 6:55 PM, Blogger Heather B. Moore said...

Great interview. Maybe you can sell it to "Star" magazine.

At 7/31/2007 7:08 PM, Blogger Annette Lyon said...

Nearly fell out of my chair here. Thanks for the laugh. I kept trying to imagine her saying those things in her British accent. LOL!

At 8/01/2007 1:50 AM, Blogger Keith Fisher said...

You are very resourceful to interview the JK Rowling.

At 8/01/2007 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JK was a lot nicer on the Dateline show. What did you do to make her so mad?

At 8/01/2007 10:13 AM, Blogger Julie Wright said...

ROB! You were supposed to ask her to endorse my next book! Just tell her Jeff Savage said she should.

At 8/01/2007 12:03 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

Josi, I called her about Mayo, and she said she likes Miracle Whip. Then she added that she likes Cool Whip, and then she performed the "Orange Whip" routine from Blues Brothers. And I couldn't get off the phone with all her yak yak yak, so I hung up.

Anonymous, I just have mad interviewing skillz, and I get people to show their true natures.

Julie, I mentioned your book. She was all for it until I dropped Jeff's name, and then she turned you down flat. (She said Jeff keeps sending her 8x10 glossies of himself, asking for an autograph but not including a SASE! She was more than a little ticked.)

At 8/01/2007 2:25 PM, Blogger Janette Rallison said...

When I'm really famous, I want you to do an interview with me, Rob.

At 8/01/2007 4:42 PM, Blogger Jon said...

Did anybody else catch the dirty jokes (well, double entendres, at least) in Book 7?

'Bout fell out of my chair!

At 8/01/2007 5:03 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

Double entendres? My mind is as pure as a CTR ring made of crystal-clear mountain spring water, so I must have missed them. Do tell! I seriously don't think I caught a single one. (I only read the Cliff Notes, after all...)

At 8/01/2007 6:53 PM, Blogger Jon said...

When Ron gives Harry his birthday present and says something along the lines of "You'd be surprised, it's not all about the wand work."

At 9/21/2009 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

is she lds?


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