Want a Piece of the Frog Family Fortune?
by Kerry Blair
Some people seem to live most of their lives under a rock. Our Dear Frog, alas, is one of them. But at last he has heard about the Whitney Awards and how desperately funds are needed now to finance promotion at the upcoming Book Sellers Convention. Because he firmly believes in putting his money where his heart and long sticky tongue are, The Frog hauled his safe up from the depths of his muddy blog bog and opened it wide. After digging out his life savings -- and realizing it was only twenty bucks -- he decided to use the rest of his vast treasure to help support such a worthy cause. (Frankly, he hopes that if all the appeals to your philanthropic, generous natures have failed, then perhaps you can be bribed.)
The twenty bucks (aka life savings) will be sent to the Whitney account, of course, but the rest of the fortune is up for grabs for co-donors. Well . . . he probably won’t part with the ancient Egyptian sarcophagus or heirloom diamond brooch – things you can’t see very well in the picture anyway. (On the other hand, he just might! How much are you willing to donate?) But those Gooey Yummy Gummy Bugs? Well, heck yeah! You get that! The Frog will throw one bug into every Fantabulous Frog Fun Pack along with an Official Frog Fan Club Badge, magic writing stick (guaranteed to cure writer’s block), endlessly entertaining hopping frog (to amuse the kids/dog/cat/spouse so you’ll have more time to write), high-energy lollipop to keep you going at that computer all hours of the day and night, notepad to keep track of ideas for that next NYT bestseller, pen/bookmark/ruler thingie that no self-respecting Homo sapien should be without, Amazing Frog Action Figure (not available in stores; no, not even WalMart), and an autographed photo The Frog himself. And if you you prefer, he’ll even send you an electronic version so you can Photoshop yourself into the shot, thereby impressing all your friends and associates. But wait! It gets better! For donations that exceed his own $20, he’ll throw in an endorsement for your next book and/or tell you his real name so that you can bestow it on your next child. Finally, if you become a silver or gold sponsor, The Frog will mail himself to your house and kiss you. On the lips. (You have to send pictures.)
Don’t miss out on this amazing offer! Every donation of any amount counts! (It helps a lot, too.) And it’s not like we just give these valuable Frog Packs away, folks. (Wait! I think we do give these things away, but not very often and you usually have to work a whole lot harder than this to get them!) The Frog will mail out Fantabulous Frog Fun Packs – and himself – through July 20 after which time the offer is null and void. (He’ll be in the middle of nowhere the week after next, pulling a handcart to celebrate Pioneer Day. Little known fact: The Frog’s ancestor emigrated to Utah in the pocket of Orson F. Whitney himself.)
Another thing: The Frog apologizes for not making an appearance on the Fourth of July. (Thanks to those who wrote to ask about his well-being. You are true friends, indeedy.) It turns out he was camping with the Blacks. In fact, when the picture was taken of the wereraccoons, he was behind the little devils, sneaking up on them with a stun gun and butterfly net. Unfortunately, he didn’t show up very well in the murky picture, so his heroics went unheralded. (He’s very disappointed Stephanie failed to mention him.)
Okay, in case you missed the big capital letters – and the point of this post – this is your chance to donate to one of the most worthwhile endeavors ever undertaken in the history of LDS literature – and get a fun thank you gift for your generosity.
Tell them The Frog sent you.