Fun with SPAM

Okay, so my last post seemed far too sentimental for me. (I think it was allergies.) So I thought I'd throw in a little something I like to call, "Fun with Spam." I have a yahoo e-mail address that I use any time I am asked for an e-mail address I think may be sold or given away. Occasionally (like 1200 times a day) I get e-mails I am pretty sure are SPAM. Most of them go directly to my junk folder. But every once in a while, I like to see how much I can mess with the SPAMer. So I send responses like the following. I'll keep you posted on our conversation.

Hassan (aka Joe) wrote:

I have a new email address!You can now email me at: hassan_ali2727@yahoo.co.in

FROM: HASSAN ALI JOE
ALI & ASSOCIATES
ADDRESS: 212 OLD KENT ROAD
LONDON UNITED KINGDOM

Good Day My Beloved, Savage. I am Barrister, hassan ali, a British citizen resident here in London. I am the principle attorney to Late Mr. Lee Savage, A citizen of your County. Who live here in London, he spent all his life here in London but died on an Air Crash on the 31 July 2000 on one of his visitation trip outside London.

I personally contacted you on an urgent propose business deal, I got your contact from the WORLD INFORMATION NETWORK ONLINE (WINO).

I am contacting you to assist in repatriating his money and property left behind before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank where this huge deposit was lodged. The said fund is deposited with a bank in Europe. Particularly, the deceased had an Amount at about 16.3 million Euros.

Since after notification of the death of the deceased, the bank has issued me a notice to provide the Relations/ next of kin or have the Funds confiscated within the next 21 days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives all this while till now, that is why I am seeking your consent to propose you as the next of kin of the deceased since you bear the same surname, and as a foreigner and have the proceeds of this Amount valued at 16.3 million Euros paid to you as the bonfire approved Next of Kin.

If you agree we can discuss the percentage you will have as compensation on your involvement. All I require is your honesty; co-operation and Sincerity to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that everything will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect us from any breach of the law, as it is a 100% risk free venture, I will update you with details when I hear from you.

CORRESPONDENCE AS (hassan_ali2525@jubii.dk

thank you and remain blessed

Best Regards

hassan ali (Esq.)

- Hassan ali


My response:

Hassan (or do you go by Joe?) Esq.,

I can't believe the news about good old Lee. He was such a joker. Remember that time he put the bag of fish and chips inside the exhaust pipe of the double-decker bus? What a riot when it shot over the fence and into the Palace door? Oh, my eyes water just thinking about it.

So, I guess I have a few questions: If he died in 2000, why are you just contacting me now? Is it too late to send flowers?

Should I be concerned that you got my name from WINO? Sounds like a group of old men drinking Thunderbird on the corner and kibitzing about leg wounds.

Isn't the "death of the deceased" a little repetitive? Unless the deceased died a second time. Which actually I just finished writing a novel about. Would you like me to send you a copy of the book when it comes out? You may have heard about Shandra Covington mysteries. (Of course poor Lee never had a chance to read them. Bless his soul.)

What or who is the “bonfire” and how did it approve me? Is it anything like the Goblet of Fire that approved of Harry Potter? (A mutual friend who also happened to spend much of his time in London.)

Also, you seem to have several e-mail addresses. You're not "shady" are you? I'd hate to do business with a shady character.

Lastly, if Lee spent his whole life in London (which is a great city, but can get old after a while.) how was he a citizen of my country? And why was he killed leaving London? It wasn't about that fish and chips stunt I hope?

Let's discuss how we want to split up the loot in our next letter.

Yours in blessed ignorance,

Jeff Savage Steve III