Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Friday, May 12, 2006

Sands of Time

by Kerry Blair

What have you been doing for the last quarter century?

You wouldn’t believe how often I’m asked that. I think it’s because, unlike the youngsters here in the bog, I didn’t publish my first novel until I was forty. People are curious what I was doing all those years I wasn’t writing fiction. Since it’s almost Mother’s Day, I’ll confess. I have been writing. Besides eight novels, I’ve written two roadshows, four stake productions, a few dozen PE excuses, almost a hundred Teacher Appreciation Day notes, more than my share of Cub Scout and Girls Camp skits, two reams of journal entries and five blogs – counting this one. I have ghost written for Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the ghost of a gerbil that I claimed “ran away for an exciting new life in the city.” (There was a cat in our home that knew otherwise.) I have also collaborated on dozens of Primary talks and more late-night school reports than I really should have.

Of course my adult life has not been all literary achievement. After all, I’ve shared a home with one husband, four children, two parents, eight dogs, five cats, seven rabbits, one cockatiel, four parakeets, a box turtle, a swimming turtle, two hermit crabs, five hamsters, nine gerbils (they’re prolific little critters), four ducks, ten chickens and pet fish, frogs, finches and bugs too numerous to mention. (I fear that if it is true that we receive our “beloved” pets back in the eternities, the only family we will be fit to live next door to will be the Noahs.) But my point – and I do have one – is that along with all these people and animals I have loved have come certain domestic necessities. I have compiled a partial list:

When I wasn’t writing I was changing diapers (about 14,600) and litter boxes (2,400) or washing 21,000 loads of laundry, preparing 27,325 meals (if one is generous enough to consider pouring milk on Cheerios and/or driving through McDonald’s preparing a meal), and cleaning toilets about 950 times. (Don’t do the math on that last one or you will never enter a bathroom in my home!)

In my spare time I’ve logged enough carpool mileage to have driven to Mars and back. I’ve rooted for the underdogs at pint-sized sporting events that lasted longer than the Summer Olympics, and sat enthralled through three-hour concerts in which one of my kids played the triangle – off key and at the wrong tempo. I’ve served on ten PTA boards at six different schools, chaired enough carnivals to make P.T. Barnum blanch, outsold at school book fairs, and discussed with Kindergarteners the entire holdings of the Metropolitan Art Museum in the Mesa Public School Art Masterpiece program. Of course, it’s not been all work and no play. I wore out two copies of “The Cat in the Hat” when my kids were preschoolers, and later read all seven volumes of “The Chronicles of Narnia.” Aloud. Twice. I’ve orchestrated quality time with my family at Disneyland, Sea World, the Grand Canyon, Mesa General Hospital’s emergency room, and the USMC’s Boot Camp Graduation.

In case you haven’t guessed by now, I’m a mother. Not only that, I’m a veteran mother. I’ve survived the terrible twos, the fearsome fourteens, and am now facing the terrifying twenties. Over the years I’ve sent my kids off to preschool, Scout camp, first dates, the senior prom. . .and war in Iraq.

In short (although I know it’s far too late for that) I have spent the last twenty-five years of my life trying – and failing – to be the kind of mother they’ll extol in sacrament meeting this Sunday. No fame. No fortune. Not even enough sleep. But I can live with that. (Or, rather, without that.) One of my favorite writers, the apostle Neal A. Maxwell, said, “When the surf of centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.” Thank goodness. There’s never been enough telestial time to accomplish everything I think I should do. (Like write. Or sleep.) Thank you, Elder Maxwell, for the assurance to all us mothers that every late night, every early morning – every single minute – of mothering is the best way we could possibly spend our lives.

So that’s what I’ve been doing for the last quarter century. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Almost. This time I’d make sure I had two female gerbils before I left the pet shop…


At 5/12/2006 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anura Ranidae said...

Amen! Best Mothers' Day tribute I've seen yet.

At 5/12/2006 12:13 PM, Blogger annegb said...

I love the PE excuses--Frank McCourt writes about teaching his students writing by having them write excuses. They did so well at them.

One thing I enjoy about your writing, be it books or posts, are your references to good quotes. It saves me reading the books :).

Reading all the things you've done makes me wonder. Women never give themselves enough credit, but seeing it in print like that, my life a lot like yours, well, maybe I did something.

And remember about Grandma Moses, etc.

At 5/12/2006 12:37 PM, Blogger Darvell Hunt said...

Sometimes I think my first 40 years was there to prepare and season me and to give me enough past source material to write for the second 40 years. Well, I'm not actually 40 yet. That won't come until next year. I've not even 39 yet. But I also have about 8 novels that have been . . . well, practice, I suppose.

Hopefully by the time I'm 40, people will start asking me, too, where I've been.

Good post today, Kerry. I find myself identifying with you, but not the part about cleaning toilets. Much to the disatisfaction of the women in our lives, we men seem to have a higher tolerance for what's considered a clean toilet. Instead of 950 times, I think 3 is about right.

(That would be gross if you didn't know I was kidding.)


At 5/15/2006 2:15 PM, Blogger Elizabeth said...

Haha...I haven't even been around for a quater of a century. Hmm this is one time i actually feel a little young.


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