Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Guest Interview: Sariah S. Wilson

It's always been my primary goal to present you, Dearest Readers, with the most applicable information possible. You can always count on my blogs to be ripped from the headlines, as it were--I address real, substantive issues that affect your life.

So, since all we seem to be talking about these days are Sariah's gallstones, I figured I'd invite her into the studio for a little chat.

Rob: So, gallstones gotta suck, huh?

Sariah: That is just about the most appalling first sentence I've ever seen in an interview.

Rob: Don't judge me, Sariah Wilson.

Sariah: I'm just saying that if I went to all the trouble to come out here, the least you could have done was come up with a good interview question.

Rob: Fine. Let's start over. Sariah, on your website it says that you met your husband in the MTC while he was a missionary and you were a cafeteria worker. My question is: what did they put in those fried cheese sticks, because those things were way awesome.

Sariah: We put cheese in them.

Rob: I'll have to see if I can get the recipe somewhere. So, you know, when I was in the MTC I always ate the same salad: lettuce, baby corn, hardboiled eggs, cheese, ham, and ranch dressing.

Sariah: That sounds like a quality salad. Not very healthy, though.

Rob: Probably not much worse than the cheesesticks. And you know what else we did?

Sariah: No, what? I mean, I sincerely care about your MTC eating habits.

Rob: The drinking glasses were all pretty small, so we'd take about twelve of them, and get a wide variety of beverages. You know--a couple glasses of chocolate milk, a couple of Sprite, maybe one or two of cranberry juice and rootbeer.

Sariah: That sounds like an absolutely revolting combination.

Rob: No, it was like a Hickory Farms beverage sampler.

Sariah: Have you ever heard that I write books?

Rob: Another thing that I don't understand about the MTC cafeteria: there would be a hundred people in line, and some doofus up at the front would start passing trays back to the rest of us, as though that would help anything. Thanks, Elder, now when I get up to the counter ten minutes from now I won't have bend over and pick up my own tray! Know what I mean, Sariah?

Sariah: I can honestly say no.

Rob: I wonder if a tasty salad would have prevented your gallstones.

Sariah: Well, gallstones can be caused by a number of different things. For example, when bile contains too much cholesterol and not enough bile salts.

Rob: Gross!

Sariah: Also, increased hormone levels (such as during pregnancy) can cause gallstones.

Rob: What are bile salts, and how does one get them?

Sariah: Bile salts are sodium glycocholate and sodium taurocholate. You get them from your liver.

Rob: That's interesting, by which I mean that it's not interesting at all. In fact, the only interesting thing you've said so far is that you used to work in the MTC cafeteria.

Sariah: You said that, not me.

Rob: I know! I'm doing all the work here! So, on another topic, you recently returned from a cruise to Pre-columbian Mesoamerica.

Sariah: I think, technically, that would be a time-traveling cruise.

Rob: Were you attacked by Lamanites?

Sariah: No.

Rob: In other news, I hear you were a finalist for a Whitney Award.

Sariah: That is true.

Rob: I hear you lost.

Sariah: Well, yes.

Rob: ... Um. This is awkward.

Sariah: Can we be done now?

Rob:
In a moment. Tell me about what you're working on next.

Sariah: Well, I have my two Book of Mormon romances, Secrets in Zarahemla and Desire of Our Hearts--

Rob: That girl on the cover of Desire of Our Hearts is cute.

Sariah: I'm glad you approve.

Rob: But I'm annoyed that I can only see half of her face. Maybe the other half isn't cute. How am I supposed to decide?

Sariah: Anyway, now I'm working on my next Book of Mormon romance called Bring Unto Me the Head of my Father. It's a romance about the daughter of Jared (Brianna) and her boyfriend Frank.

Rob: Really?

Sariah: Yes, really. I've decided to try for something more edgy.

Rob: I call bull.

Sariah: Well, it will probably be self-published.

Rob: Ah, that makes more sense. Well, good luck with that crap. And the gallstones.

Sariah: And good luck to you with whatever it is you do.

Rob: Thanks.

Sariah: These interviews just kind of end when you get tired of writing, don't they. You don't even try to come to a conclusion or anything, do you?

Rob: Nope.


12 Comments:

At 4/08/2008 3:29 PM, Blogger J Scott Savage said...

You are one rockin interviewer, Rob. I'll bet Sariah adds this to her web site.

 
At 4/08/2008 3:47 PM, Blogger Stephanie Black said...

Let me know when Bring Unto Me the Head of My Father is available for pre-order. I'm buying copies for everyone on my Christmas list.

 
At 4/08/2008 3:59 PM, Anonymous mean aunt said...

Brianna and Frank? Pefect Jaredite names! Sariah, how do you think of these things?

Good luck with your recovery (Sariah's recovery that is, there is no recovery for whatever Rob has)

 
At 4/08/2008 8:33 PM, Blogger Sariah S. Wilson said...

"The drinking glasses were all pretty small, so we'd take about twelve of them, and get a wide variety of beverages. You know--a couple glasses of chocolate milk, a couple of Sprite, maybe one or two of cranberry juice and rootbeer."

Yeah, well, I didn't start off in the cafeteria. I started off in the dish room. It made me want to kill elders. One guy would have twelve glasses on his tray, and he would cram them full of napkins (up to the brim) which I (when it was my turn), had to pull out by hand, thankyouverymuch. SO disgusting. Or the guys who would put their trays down on the conveyer belt and then hold them when we'd try to grab for them to clear them off. So hilarious! And so original, becuase NOBODY else ever did that!

We did get paper roses, which were fun, and people would leave their cameras on the trays, which was even funner because we'd take lots of pictures before giving it back to the Lost and Found. I can tell lots of stories from working in the MTC. Like the time one of my friends wouldn't let Elder L. Tom Perry have an extra pancake. "Are you sure I can't have any extra one?" "Rules are two per person, Brother." She was duly mortified when someone pointed out that she'd just told an apostle of the Lord he couldn't have more pancakes. I'd always kind of hoped that would come up in a conference talk.

And on a serious note - there ARE tunnels under the MTC. I've been in them. There's even missionary graffiti down there - "Sao Paulo Mission Rocks!" "District 47 is the best!" "Elder Jones is a stud" (and I am not making that up. The graffiti part. Not the Elder Jones being a stud part).

And Frank could be a Book of Mormon name. Short for frankincense. 'Cause he smelled so sweet (two points if you can name that movie!).

 
At 4/08/2008 8:46 PM, Blogger Jennie said...

Sariah, I think you're referring to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. And Rob, where were you when I was looking for reporters for the newspaper I edited a few years ago? I could have used your scintillating interviews.

 
At 4/08/2008 8:48 PM, Blogger Sariah S. Wilson said...

The two points go to Jennie! I love that movie. I should watch it again. Better yet, I should make Rob watch that movie.

 
At 4/08/2008 11:50 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

Of course I know about Frank.

In related news, I used to work at a theater in Salt Lake, and in 1996 (Utah's centennial) they put on some dumb musical about Utah history. We nicknamed it Seven Brides for One Apostle.

 
At 4/09/2008 8:33 AM, Blogger Evil HR Lady said...

What are these cheese sticks at the MTC? I didn't get any cheese sticks when I was in the MTC. I'm now traumatized.

I also participated in creating sculptures out of glasses and leftover food before sending the tray back to the kitchen. A thousand apologies, Sariah.

 
At 4/09/2008 9:14 AM, Blogger Annette Lyon said...

Mmmmm . . . cheese sticks . . .

 
At 4/09/2008 9:55 AM, Blogger Anne Bradshaw said...

Hilarious! Good job Sariah is such a great sport. And all the other people you interview, Rob :-) Where did you get your wacky sense of humor? Makes me laugh out loud every time.

 
At 4/09/2008 11:36 AM, Blogger Nancy said...

I'm laughing too! What a great thing to read first thing in the morning. Very, very funny.

Nancy Allen

 
At 4/10/2008 12:12 AM, Blogger Tristi Pinkston said...

I want a cheese stick . . .

 

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