Free Stuff! (So, Do I Have Your Attention Now?)

by Kerry Blair

This becoming-an-author thing hasn’t turned out the way I expected.

Little girls become ballerinas because they love to pirouette before adoring audiences. Little boys become pro baseball players because they crave the roar of the crowd. (The multi-million-dollar contracts probably aren’t a deterrent.) But little people become writers because they like to hide out in small, dark rooms and talk to people who don’t talk back.

At least that’s why I became a writer.

Writing is perhaps the most insular, heady process in the world. Not only can you go to work in your pajamas (or in a bear suit, if you want to) but everyone in the world you create must do exactly as you dictate. It’s nirvana for self-conscious, introverted, control freaks like me. At least it is until some crazed publisher wrests the creation from your gnarled, writer’s-cramped fingers. All at once you have a novel instead of a manuscript—and an obligation to shed the bear suit, leave hibernation, and morph into a bookselling diva without the aid of a magic cloak or fairy godmother.

I know it’s a rather Grimm fairy tale, but it's my story. (Everything except the bear suit, that is.)

I’ll never forget one of my first book signings. Unfortunately. I showed up early and scooted my table over when the store manager wasn’t looking. That way I could partially conceal myself behind a towering stack of somebody else’s books. Minutes later, a well-established author breezed in. She scooted her table front and center, whisked off the plain tablecloth, and replaced it with something jewel-toned and satiny. She added flowers (probably home-grown orchids) and rearranged her books artfully behind a crystal bowl of imported Belgian chocolates. As a finale she looped a silver lanyard around her swan-like neck. Attached to the cord was a badge that proclaimed: Princess Perfection, BESTSELLING AUTHOR in four-inch, glittery letters.

I crawled under my table.

I have since come back out. I’ve even learned to play the game. (Ask Stephanie. You should have seen her jaw drop at our first signing together when I whipped out a lime-green tablecloth, string of twinkle-lights, and genuine stuffed raven.) Alas, although I now love book signings and can decorate a table with the best of them, that’s pretty much all I’m good at. (I’d probably only hang myself with a lanyard.) But I’m trying. I blog on Fridays and have worked hard to update my web site. Besides a creepy new look and a quirky Curiosity Shop, I’m adding twice-weekly blogs and even have a holiday contest up and running. (Everybody go enter, okay?) But that’s about as far as I foray into self-promotion without developing brain freeze, panic attacks, and/or a nasty case of hives.

Which (450 words later) brings me to the thesis of this blog. I simply love it when other people come up with creative, inspired ideas to promote their books. I followed Rob’s prequel with fascination. I think Jeff is brilliant. Another of the greats is Marnie Pehrson. On this very day (December 1) she’s doing something innovative and absolutely stunning. It’s called a Launch. Everyone who orders a copy of her new book Angel and the Enemy from Barnes & Noble online today will get a free cyber shopping bag full of goodies worth more than $700. (One of the more modest gifts is a download of Digging Up the Past, a book I co-authored with my sister-in-law, Christine Wolfe.)

To make this happen Marnie has recruited friends and associates across the Web. She has – at last count – more than 512,000 individual mailings going out simultaneously. (Yes, you read that right. A half-million people will hear about her book today.) If a miniscule fraction of them buy the book, she will be catapulted onto B&N’s Top Ten Best Seller List, probably ahead of John Grisham – who only wishes he’d thought of it himself. This will be an incredible achievement that she can list on every forthcoming book cover and/or brag about forever.

Brilliant, huh? Undoubtedly you’ll want to be part of literary history-in-the-making by buying one, two or ten copies for yourself and everyone on your Christmas list! Check out the book (and the promotion) here. Or here. Or here. Each page was targeted toward a different market, depending on the mailing. Impressed? Me, too.

While you go order the book I’ll get out the glitter and make Marnie one of those badges I told you about. I just hope she has a flashy lanyard to put it on.