Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Friday, August 21, 2009

Out of Office: Celebrating Senior Citizen's Day

by Kerry Blair

Please note: Today's blog is published in larger type as a courtesy to our bifocal-enhanced readers.

I have no excuse not to blog today, but I do have a reason. It is National Senior Citizen’s Day. Recently, I was asked if I qualified for a 55+ senior discount. (Clearly, the little twit had had her eyes pieced along with her nose and tongue, but still!) This week’s mail brought yet another not-to-be-missed offer from the AARP*, but also a circular from Sephora. I was as mollified by the latter as I was mortified by the former – right up until I saw it was an ad for wrinkle cream. As much as I hate to admit it, today’s holiday is in my honor. Please send flowers. I’ll save them for the casket . . . which I figure should be along any day now.



It did occur to me to try to put a positive, inspirational spin on this thing by pointing out that Toni Morrison was 63 when she won a Nobel Prize for literature; that Mary Ann Robertson Moses was 76 when she first picked up a paintbrush; or that Golda Meir was named prime minister of Israel at 71, but I won’t. That would be work and I’m on holiday.



Instead, I’ll share a few of my favorite “you know you’re getting old when . . . “ truisms and then invite you to contribute to my list. Every comment gets one chance to win. The prize? Let’s see . . . I’ll send you my copy of Crones Don’t Whine by Dr. Jean Bolen or an autographed first-edition of the Pulitzer Prize-winning book I plan to publish at 92 – your choice.

A few of my current favorites:



You know you’re getting old when . . .

Your brain cells are finally down to a manageable size.
Your knees go out more than you do.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Caution is now pretty much the only thing you exercise.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t remember being on top of it.



Your turn. I’m off to feed the cats, water the violets, and watch Jeopardy. (Oh, that Alex Trebek!) If only I can find my glasses and cane . . .



*Angry, Age-Resistant People -- not to be confused with the national group of the same acronym.


9 Comments:

At 8/21/2009 12:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know you’re getting old when ...

...the crackling of your joints announce your arrival before entering a room.

...you need to wear your glasses while putting on your make-up in a 5X magnified mirror.

...your body's profile is a question mark.

Don't worry Kerry, if I win, I can wait the twenty years for your Pulitzer-prize winning book to be published. Ba-bun-bum ...

Deb

 
At 8/21/2009 12:43 PM, Blogger Kerry Blair said...

Hold on just a cotton-pickin' minute, Deb. I seem to recall that you weren't born all that many years post-ox cart yourself. How old will YOU be in another 20? Old enough to get your great-grandkids to read my book to you? :)

BTW, I WISH my body were a question mark. In profile I more resemble a fishing bobber.

 
At 8/21/2009 1:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know we are the same age, and will both be using walkers by then, Kerry. Mine, of course, will have colorful ribbons, beads and feathers attached around the bars so that I will appear younger than my, ahem, ancient bones will be declaring. I’ll still want my signed book, so get to writing!

Deb

 
At 8/21/2009 1:27 PM, Blogger Janice said...

You know you're old when your children talk to you the same way they talk to your grandchildren.

You know you're old when your children start complaining about their joints.

You know you're old when popular music sounds like noise.

 
At 8/21/2009 1:34 PM, Blogger Stephanie Black said...

You know you're old when you're at youth dances and think "Could they TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN?"

 
At 8/21/2009 1:46 PM, Blogger Pat said...

Finally a holiday I can relate to!

You know you're old when...

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

You are on a first name basis with the pharmacist.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year you got your last promotion.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart...

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

Happy Oldies day!

 
At 8/21/2009 8:19 PM, Blogger Marta O. Smith said...

You know you're old when you bend down to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do as long as you're already down there.

You know you're old when the era in which you graduated from college is now a Halloween costume category.

 
At 8/22/2009 2:21 PM, Blogger Gale Sears said...

Marta,
I loved the Holloween costume reference!!
And Kerry, they must be doing fishing bobbers in very sexy shapes these days. ;-)

 
At 8/23/2009 3:19 PM, Blogger Anna Buttimore said...

Kerry, I happen to know that you're exactly ten years older than me, which makes you still young!

Lovely story in Church this morning from the Matron of the London Temple. She was taking her little grandson to have his face painted (as a tiger) and the girl in front of him in the queue started teasing him, saying he had so many freckles that it wouldn't be possible to paint a tiger on his face. He got upset, so his lovely Grandma told him that when she was little she had wanted freckles, because they made a face so interesting and lovable. She ended by saying to him "What could possibly be more lovely on a face than freckles?"

Her grandson thought very hard and said "Wrinkles!"

 

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