The Comparison Game

Julie’s recent post about climbing the mountain with her daughter got me thinking about life in general and writing in particular. About fifteen years ago, I ran a marathon. Ran may be a bit of a euphemism here. I ran the first ten to twelve miles. I walked the next ten. And I limped the rest of the way. Admittedly my time was not very good, and at the end I collapsed with the worst calf cramps I have ever had.

The question is, was that a failure? Most of the people who ran the marathon beat me. My oldest kids—who were pretty young at the time—asked, “Dad, did you win?” No. No I did not. But here’s the thing, how many people ran, walked, or limped twenty-six miles that day? Very, very few. I ran further and faster than probably 99.99 percent of everyone in the world that day. Should I really worry about that less than one one-hundreth of a percent that beat me?

I look at my good friend Julie climbing that hill with her daughter, and instead of worrying about the people who went further than her, I recognize the fact that she was out climbing a mountain when most people were sitting on the couch watching reality TV, or eating Oreos, or cleaning between their toes, or doing anything less stressful than climbing a mountain with their daughter. And my response is Julie, you totally rock! Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. I already know that Julie is an awesome writer and an awesome mom and an awesome friend. But if I didn’t I would know it from the fact that she was out there climbing with her daughter when she probably felt like doing anything but.

So what does this have to do with writing? Well, last weekend was BEA, Book Expo America. Many of my good friends were in New York doing signings and going to parties and hanging out with each other and lots of other cool authors. Where was I last weekend? Well Friday I was in Pahrump, NV. I’ll bet most of you don’t even know where Pahrump is. Saturday I was home writing.

It would have been very easy to feel like crap, that I still haven’t even been to a BEA. But this is where the comparison game can drive you crazy. If you aren’t published, there are people who are. If you are published there are people who have bigger print runs. If you have bigger print runs, there are people with bigger advances. If you have bigger advances, there are people who sell more books. If you sell more books, there are people who have received more prestigious awards. Get the picture?

Competition is fine if you are into that kind of thing. If it gets your juices flowing and makes you want to do better to have a target to shoot for, shoot away. But comparing yourself to others is a losing proposition. Literally. You. Will. Always. Lose. Because someone will always be more successful than you. Now, on the flip side you will always win, because while someone is always better than you, someone is always worse. But you will have a pretty miserable life if you are always looking for someone to feel superior over too.

Instead, find joy in what you are doing. I wasn’t at BEA, but I got to meet a bunch of awesome kids at schools last week. I got to be interviewed by both of Pahrump’s TV stations and the newspaper. I met some AMAZING librarians and teachers. I got to spend a week with my boys, hanging around the pool, working on my next book, and catching some rays. I have a really great life.

So do you, as long as you don’t start comparing it to everyone else’s life.

Back to the writing thing. Focus on yourself. What you do best. Focus on your successes and let your failures run off your back. If you haven’t been published yet, don’ sweat it. Keep writing. Most of the people who want to be writers never complete a single thing. If you have, you are ahead of them. If you haven’t than go ahead and do so. If you have been published, stop worrying about who is making more money or getting bigger print runs. Unless you can do something about it, why waste your time with stressing about it. Remember back when you said you’d give your right leg to get published?

And finally, if all else fails, ask Rob Wells to make you one of these.

Now get back to writing, and take some time to smell the printer ink.