Reading Lists of Shame

by Robison Wells

It was my birthday on Saturday. (Thanks for remembering. If you put a gift in the mail now, you can still claim that the mailman was slow and you didn't actually forget!) After General Conference, I went to my brother's house and played board games. He said it was for my birthday, but you shouldn't believe him. He celebrates every event by playing board games. I imagine that someday when my parents die, Dan will call me up and say "Since you're going to be in town for the funeral, why don't we play a little Age of Conan?"

He also invited two other people to this game playing party, one of whom is called Ben and the other of whom is called Lovebasket. Ben is notable because he appears in all three of my books (as the small sidecharacter "Ben"). Lovebasket is notable because he never shows up on time to anything.

So, while sitting around my brother's house, waiting for Lovebasket, I found a book and began to read. I was on the third page when my brother, who was scurrying around trying to get his kids to bed, came into the room and asked what I was reading. I told him it was Dune, and that I'd never read it before. I can't remember what was said in reply, but I know it was derogatory and condescending*. Any writer worth their spice would have read Dune.

I knew that, of course. Dune, if you're not aware, is considered the Lord of the Rings of science fiction. I'd always meant to read it, but I'd just never gotten around to it. (As I left his house, I asked to borrow it, and he replied "Yes, and if you like it then maybe we can still be friends.")

In related news, Masterpiece Theater has begun showing several mini-series based on Charles Dickens' books, and my wife and I have been eagerly watching them every Sunday night. Erin and I were trying to think back to high school and list the Charles Dickens books we'd read, and I was ashamed to say that I'd read embarrassingly few of them. In the eighth grade I read the abridged version of Great Expectations, and the next year I read A Christmas Carol. As a junior I was supposed to read David Copperfield, but never did, and later in life (not in school) I listened to it on CD.

But, I have never read his other great novels, not even A Tale of Two Cities, even though it's the only one I actually own.

In fact, due to the fact that I didn't come to like writing (and even reading) until late in life, I am painfully poorly-versed in the classics department.

To better illustrate this fact, I just searched the internet for lists of books, and I present my findings with shame:

• Time Magazine listed the 100 Greatest Novels of All Time. I have read nine of them.


• Random House made their list of the 100 greatest, and I've only read five of them. However, Random House also polled readers for a Reader's Choice, and I've read twelve of those.


• Prentice Hall has a list of 100 suggested books for reading in high school, and I've read 19 of those. (Hooray! I've read almost one fifth of the high school reading list! Only thirteen years late!)

Anyway, I know that you'll be inclined in the comments to complain about the books on these lists, and you're welcome to. But, my point isn't about what's on the lists; it's about the fact that I haven't read an awful lot of books, and I should have.

So, let me pose the question to you. What books are you ashamed to admit you haven't read? I'm not asking what books you don't want to read, but what books have you always meant to get to, but never have?

To start this embarrassment-fest, here are a few of mine:

I have never read (and I would like to have read):

The Great Gatsby
Jane Eyre
Anything by Jane Austen besides Pride and Prejudice (which I haven't actually read either, but listened to).
The Diary of Anne Frank
Catcher in the Rye
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Foutainhead
A Brave New World
Anything by John Steinbeck besides The Grapes of Wrath

So, what haven't you read?



*More than usual, I mean.