Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Having a Baby vs. Writing a Book--Guest Blogger Karlene Browning


Top 10 Reasons Why Having a Baby is Easier than Writing a Book

by Karlene Browning

When writers compare the process of writing a book to having a baby, I just have to roll my eyes and wonder. They must never have had a baby. Or perhaps, like with childbirth, the memory of the whole writing and publishing experience is erased by the joy of seeing that finished product on the bookstore shelves.

I’m here to remind everyone that writing a book is so NOT like having a baby. Having a baby is much, much easier! Right, Julie?

Top 10 Reasons Why Having a Baby is Easier than Writing a Book:

10. A baby changes and grows, and presumably gets better with age. Once your book is published, it is what it is. Plot holes do not gradually heal over with time and lame dialog is never replaced with more appropriate speech. It stays as you created it. For all the world to see. Forever.

9. There’s no such thing as in vitro novelization. Or novel surrogacy. Or even novel adoption. If you can’t create the idea yourself, you don’t get to be a proud author.

8. There is no epidural for the birthing of a book. Sorry. Not even chocolate can dull the pain.

7. It only takes nine months to birth a baby.

6. Nobody yells at you when your baby is overdue—with a baby you get sympathy and backrubs, and if you’re lucky, gifts of chocolate.

5. No one expects you to edit a newborn.

4. You get to name your baby.

3. You rarely have to present your baby in public dressed in something that embarrasses you—unless it’s a gift from your mother-in-law, and then you can change it as soon as she leaves.

2. Nobody tells you your baby is ugly to your face. Nor do they bad mouth it on the Internet.

And the number one reason having a baby is easier than writing a book:

1. No one expects you to have a new baby every. single. year. for the rest of your life.


Karlene Browning lives at Inksplasher. She is the mother of four wonderful children, three cats and a dog. She is also the proud author of Ancient Civilizations, an educational book for middle grades, and is currently gestating an entire litter of novels. As an editor and former publisher, she has midwifed many a new book, hopefully making the process a little easier for those involved.

Visit her at:
http://www.inksplasher.blogspot.com


10 Comments:

At 8/14/2008 1:32 PM, Blogger Jon Spell said...

Very nice post, Karlene!

Dang, I can't take the easy way out and have a baby! Guess it'll have to be the hard way. =S

 
At 8/14/2008 1:59 PM, Blogger Tamra Norton said...

And people expect you to gain weight while pregnant--it's natural. So how do I explain my weight gain while drafting each novel? :-/

 
At 8/14/2008 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karlene:

You are brilliant. Direct. Concise. Creative. And a darn good writer. Well done. I also know something else about you.

Ly

 
At 8/14/2008 3:30 PM, Blogger Tristi Pinkston said...

Although they do come up to you three weeks before you're due and say, "Haven't you had that baby yet?" And when you explain that you aren't due for another three weeks, they say things like, "Well, you look big enough" and all that other nonsense.

And I might also point out that it's usually a lot easier to get pregnant than it is to get the perfect book idea. And that if you eat right, it's a lot easier to grow a baby, too. (I'm not referring to high risk pregnancies, obviously)

 
At 8/14/2008 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tristi:

You sound like a woman who is expecting. Hmmmmmm?

Ly

 
At 8/14/2008 6:12 PM, Blogger Kimberly said...

This is beyond brilliant, Karlene. I'm not a laugh out louder by nature, but you sure got me going!

 
At 8/14/2008 11:16 PM, Blogger Heather B. Moore said...

I love this, Karlene!

 
At 8/15/2008 9:50 AM, Blogger Just_Me said...

This is fabulous! You made me laugh and I really needed that today. :o)

I've compared childbirth to taking a test in college before (comparative vertebrae anatomy final is worse than natural childbirth- and longer- just for the record), but I never thought of it in terms of writing a book.

 
At 8/16/2008 4:40 AM, Blogger Anna Maria Junus said...

Brilliant!

And no one rejects your baby over and over again. Okay, maybe they do, but not until they're teenagers and then it's their problem.

 
At 8/18/2008 4:07 PM, Blogger Tristi Pinkston said...

Ly:

I'm not currently expecting, but I've had four, and we're planning one more before we're finished. Me, pregnancy, no strangers.

 

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