The Ineffectual Education Fund

by Robison Wells, who was supposed to post yesterday morning but has decided he's sick of conforming to The Man's schedule

September is here, and if you’re like me then you’ve been sitting in front of the TV every night, watching all the great new fall TV shows! (And if you’re even more like me, then you stay up really late at night doing homework, wondering what the fricking crap you were thinking, and why that dumb sitcom seemed so important at the time.)

Anyway, in case you hadn’t heard, one of the new shows this fall was created by an LDS author! And not just any author, but one who is highly acclaimed and well-known on this blog. Yes, I’m speaking of none other than Spencer McKay, the creative genius behind Enriched by Love and The Friberg Code!

After hearing the great news, I emailed Spencer and asked him for the scoop. He very willingly obliged, and I’m pleased to offer you a sneak peak.

Spencer explains the show like this

“You know that time when you were doing that thing, and then—whoa!—all that bad stuff started to happen, and you were all like—what was I thinking?! Well, my new show, The Ineffectual Education Fund, is just like that! It tells the story of a young college student, Jordan Johnson (played by Kirby Heyborne), who gets a full-ride scholarship to BYU because he’s one-eighth Lithuanian. There’s no way he wouldn’t have gotten into BYU on his own—he’s kind of a dopey loser—but his Dad (played by Clint Eastwood) teaches Agriculture at BYU-Idaho and kinda pulled some strings. So, it’s like Animal House meets Jack Weyland!”

Sounds awesome, eh? Well, for your enjoyment, Spencer McKay has given us an EXCLUSIVE episode guide. Buckle up tight, folks, because you’re in for a ride!

Episode One: Queen of Campus
Jordan Johnson shows up to BYU and checks in for his dorm assignment. He discovers that the office made a mistake—they saw his name was Jordan and they thought he was a girl! Fortunately, his roommate, Ashley, is also a boy. And their neighbors, Shannon and Cary, are also boys! But you know how hard it is to find cheap BYU approved housing, so they just dress up like girls and live there. Jordan meets a beautiful young coed, Jennifer, but he meets her during Relief Society and is in no position to ask her out.

Episode Two: A is for Apathy
Jordan’s roommate, Ashley, gets concerned about the upcoming test in Dr. Jones’s physics class. Ashley’s always gotten A’s, but now it looks like he’s going to get a B! Jordan tells him to take a chill pill. Shannon discards his costume momentarily and takes Jennifer out to ice cream at the Creamery on Ninth! Cary is discovered to be bulimic.

Episode Three: Verdict: Wolverines
In an attempt to get back at Shannon for dating Jennifer, Jordan calls INS and has Shannon deported. (Shannon’s from Myanmar—didn’t I mention that?) Once he gets back home, Shannon calls the Honor Code office and gets Jordan kicked out of BYU for cross-dressing. He’s going to lose his scholarship if he doesn’t go to school! So he goes to UVSC. (Clown College was full up.)

Episode Four: A Cunning Plan
Jordan, Ashley, and Cary decide that there’s only one way for them to get back into BYU: they have to save President Samuelson’s life! (Cecil O. Samuelson guest stars as himself!) Cary drives the car, Ashley dresses up like a crossing guard (male), and Jordan comes rushing in for the daring rescue! Only one problem: no brakes. The four of them end up in the hospital. However, when Jennifer shows up with a bunch of daisies and a tub of Bishop’s Bash Ice Cream, all is forgiven. (Cary later throws it up.)

Episode Five: A Very Special Episode of The Ineffectual Education Fund
Jennifer gives Jordan the old DTR. They take a walk to the temple and talk about their feelings. Meanwhile, Ashley returns from Myanmar, having learned the true meaning of Christmas. Cary gets institutionalized and the Relief Society embroiders “CTR” on his straight jacket. President Samuelson issues a snow day, and the whole cast gets together in the quad for a snowball fight.

Episode Six: Clip Show
The gang sits in the Cougareat and reminisces about all the awesome stuff that’s happened in the last month. President Samuelson orders Teriyaki Stix for everyone, his treat.

Episode Seven (Cliffhanger): Till We Meet Again?????
Jennifer reveals that she’s going on a mission to Jolly Old England South—and she’s leaving tomorrow! Jordan takes a job selling pest control door-to-door in Florida. Cary gets locked up once again (he escaped sometime during the Clip Show). Ashley dyes his hair, and everyone gets really shocked, but then they see it was just a cry for attention. President Samuelson hires him to be his Summer Butler (the Winter Butler was killed in the car accident in Episode Four). The credits begin to roll, but wait! Killer bees are headed STRAIGHT FOR BYU!


Well, that’s Season One, folks. I know it’s short, but it’s packed with meaty goodness. Only one problem: it’s on the MTN!