Six LDS Writers and A Frog

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My School Confessions . . . Such As They Are

by Stephanie Black

Speed blogging is the order of the day today. But it’s just as well that I’m short on time, because I don’t have a heck of a lot to say. Unlike our resident miscreants and reprobates, whose Tales of School Stinkerhood could apparently fill several volumes, I was a well-behaved little student who even—brace yourself—went to class on a regular basis. At least until my freshman year in college—oops, crud, maybe I do have more to say than I thought, but never mind.

I really didn’t like getting in trouble at school. In third grade when Mrs. Nutt sent me out for talking, I sat in the hall and bawled (I’m sure my parents wished I were that traumatized by getting in trouble at home, instead of being endowed with the gift of smart alec-ness).

Here’s an example of how much I didn’t like getting in trouble at school. My junior year in high school, I had some friends who were on the yearbook staff. One day I went with them at lunchtime while they took some pictures for the yearbook. I can’t remember where we went or why I was there, but we were late getting back from lunch, so I was late to math class. I walked into class and explained to the teacher that I’d been out on a yearbook-picture-taking-adventure. He responded that someone had seen me with Dave J. (the guy I was dating). I said yes, Dave J. was there too. Looking very serious and solemn, my teacher said he would need to talk to me after class. It was clear he thought I was lying about the picture thing—that instead of being out on a legitimate yearbook errand (well, it probably wasn’t even semi-legitimate, but I thought it was at the time) I had been hanging out with my boyfriend. I turned beet red, and sat there in my seat in a horrible state of suffering--my teacher thought I was a liar!—until my two grinning yearbook friends walked into the room and all was made clear. The teacher had been party to a practical joke. My friends had beat me to class and asked the teacher to make me think I was in trouble. I’d like to say that a good laugh was had by all, but I was not amused. I did manage to wait until after school before I started bawling, but it was just NOT funny to me.

Moral to the story: Robert and Dave W., you are stinkers, and if you’re reading this blog, send me a check for my therapy bills.

Other moral: 2/3 of the guys I knew in high school were named Dave.

Last moral: Mean Aunt, don't you say a word. I don't have to confess everything and aerobics are still good exercise no matter when you do them.


At 5/23/2007 4:58 PM, Blogger RobisonWells said...

In somewhat related news, I just finished an advance copy of Stephanie Black's upcoming book.

It's fantastic. I truly, honestly, not-trying-to-be-polite believe that Stephanie is in the top 5% of LDS authors. If I was more well-read, I'd probably go even further than that.

The book is good.

At 5/23/2007 6:07 PM, Anonymous Dave W. said...

OK, Steph, who do I make the check out to?

I played a lot of practical jokes in my younger days, and still enjoy a good one, but while this stunt was technically excellent and came together very quickly with the help of the math teacher, (who I feel deserved an Oscar for acting), I was denied taking any pleasure in my handiwork by Stephanie's red-faced response. She was (and probably still is) so guileless that it just wasn't any fun to make her look bad. I did, and still do, feel like a stinker for what I did.

That being said, my actions were not without provocation, as earlier in the day Stephanie and Dave J. had "stolen" my car, which could be started without a key and could not be locked. Instead of getting mad, I decided to get even.

By the way, the math teacher involved is (or was until recently) a temple worker in the Jordan River Temple.

-One of the 2/3, previously known as "The Other Side".

At 5/23/2007 6:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ack! Dave W. I forgot about your car starting by Jedi mind power. Oh my word, that was some car.

--The Mean Aunt
aka Di

ps I can never sign in on this blog, Steph use your technical genius to fix that, would ya?

At 5/23/2007 7:46 PM, Blogger Stephanie Black said...

Oh my heck! We stole your car, Dave? What does it say about my character that I managed to remember your practical joke while conveniently forgetting my own grand theft auto? Hmm, I have serious selective memory. Anyway, you're officially forgiven :) Am I?

That was an awesome car.

Mean Aunt, you know I have no technical expertise. I have to ask my kids how to work the TV remote.

P.S. Thanks, Rob!

At 5/24/2007 1:15 PM, Anonymous Dave W. said...

Well, an advance copy of your new book would go a long way toward your forgiveness!:-)

(just kidding, but I can't wait to read it!)

At 5/24/2007 1:37 PM, Blogger Stephanie Black said...

I'll send you a hot off the press copy as soon as I have one (which will be next spring :-)

I should send you chocolate chip cookies too, in honor of old times, but I don't think they'd travel too well.


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