Guest Blog
Delsa Anderson is a fellow member of ANWA (American Night Writers Association) and one of the dearest, funniest women on the planet. When I read her article about printer problems in "Of Good Report" yesterday, I knew I had to share it with you. Not only is it miles better than anything I could write myself, but I can't write anything myself right now. My pit bull had surgery on Monday and I am her nurse, nanny, prison guard, and personal assistant. Moreover, unlike Mr. Wells, I don't have any "best of" articles to fall back on!
PRINTER PROBLEMS by Delsa Anderson
Sometime around 4:30 this morning I lay in bed stewing about my printer, which has told me for several days (in a very snooty way) that it's off-line! What the heck does that mean? As I stewed, I wondered which of my family and friends had time to give me a clue. My son-in-law can do it, but he works out of his house, and always has more to do than time to do it. I've already asked my proficient neighbors once, and I don't want them to know how stupid I am, technically speaking. Then, like a thunderbolt, I heard an inner voice sy, "Why don't you just get yourself in there and figure it out?"
I've tried this tactic before, and came up clueless, but my body unwillingly left the bed in accordance with my mind's frantic antics, and I sat down in front of this stupid comuter. I started with the index of the Microsoft Word for Windows Courseware. Nuttin'! I found two boxes, unused in the past two years, of extra-quality inkjet paper behind the courseware. Wow, if only I can learn how to make the printer work, I can use this stuff. I checked out the e-machines user's guide. The user is not guided to anything about restarting the printer's online usability.
Ha! The Window's XP Home edition, 10-Minute Guide! Perhaps . . . nope, nothing of use to the average shmuck, although I may get back to How to Clean Up Your Desktop. It did, however, give me some useful information about how to get to information by starting with the START button. I dallied with the START button, and the places you can go from there, but the printer was not interested. It turned on and made little scurrying sounds (as if) and then the horrid sound of a printer having a miscarriage -- a scaping, clanking sound which will never present a body of work. (If I ever decide to present such stuff, I want to be able to print it for my grandchildren.)
Reading this, you might ask, "Why didn't you go to your 'hp psc 2100 series all-in-one reference guide' first?" Because all that other stuff was piled on top of it, that's why. I used it in the order it was received! You might ask also, "Why doesn't Hewlett-Packard use some capitals when giving things a title?" The answer is, "i don't know, should they?"
Now we come to the exciting part. Somewhere, in one of the last two references, I found this notation, freely quoted: "If nothing else works, remove the power cord from the back of the stupid printer, and then plug it back in." I did, and it woke up with a little inner jerk, then pured happily as it poured out about 12 sheets of typed paper, including one in living color. Nothing sounds sweeter than a printer which has finally gone to work!
Now its 6:30 AM and I'm for bed. This dissertation does not attempt to answer the question, "Why did the printer go wrong in the first place?" All I know is, when my husband uses my printer, something bad always happens and he'd better cut it out!
Isn't it great? (Or am I the only one who relates?) In either case, you must excuse me. My dog is crying again. I copied down Elder Holland's quote from conference (No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse) and propped it up next to her water bowl, but so far she isn't converted.
PRINTER PROBLEMS by Delsa Anderson
Sometime around 4:30 this morning I lay in bed stewing about my printer, which has told me for several days (in a very snooty way) that it's off-line! What the heck does that mean? As I stewed, I wondered which of my family and friends had time to give me a clue. My son-in-law can do it, but he works out of his house, and always has more to do than time to do it. I've already asked my proficient neighbors once, and I don't want them to know how stupid I am, technically speaking. Then, like a thunderbolt, I heard an inner voice sy, "Why don't you just get yourself in there and figure it out?"
I've tried this tactic before, and came up clueless, but my body unwillingly left the bed in accordance with my mind's frantic antics, and I sat down in front of this stupid comuter. I started with the index of the Microsoft Word for Windows Courseware. Nuttin'! I found two boxes, unused in the past two years, of extra-quality inkjet paper behind the courseware. Wow, if only I can learn how to make the printer work, I can use this stuff. I checked out the e-machines user's guide. The user is not guided to anything about restarting the printer's online usability.
Ha! The Window's XP Home edition, 10-Minute Guide! Perhaps . . . nope, nothing of use to the average shmuck, although I may get back to How to Clean Up Your Desktop. It did, however, give me some useful information about how to get to information by starting with the START button. I dallied with the START button, and the places you can go from there, but the printer was not interested. It turned on and made little scurrying sounds (as if) and then the horrid sound of a printer having a miscarriage -- a scaping, clanking sound which will never present a body of work. (If I ever decide to present such stuff, I want to be able to print it for my grandchildren.)
Reading this, you might ask, "Why didn't you go to your 'hp psc 2100 series all-in-one reference guide' first?" Because all that other stuff was piled on top of it, that's why. I used it in the order it was received! You might ask also, "Why doesn't Hewlett-Packard use some capitals when giving things a title?" The answer is, "i don't know, should they?"
Now we come to the exciting part. Somewhere, in one of the last two references, I found this notation, freely quoted: "If nothing else works, remove the power cord from the back of the stupid printer, and then plug it back in." I did, and it woke up with a little inner jerk, then pured happily as it poured out about 12 sheets of typed paper, including one in living color. Nothing sounds sweeter than a printer which has finally gone to work!
Now its 6:30 AM and I'm for bed. This dissertation does not attempt to answer the question, "Why did the printer go wrong in the first place?" All I know is, when my husband uses my printer, something bad always happens and he'd better cut it out!
Isn't it great? (Or am I the only one who relates?) In either case, you must excuse me. My dog is crying again. I copied down Elder Holland's quote from conference (No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse) and propped it up next to her water bowl, but so far she isn't converted.
Kerry Blair — 4/06/2007 03:41:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
PLEASE overlook all the typos! I typed this super-fast with one hand while holding a pit bull with the other. I just got this from Delsa, who was probably just too kind to post it here:
I just checked out the article, and your remarks are too kind about me. However, I must say there are about five or six typos in it. Surely I didn't have typos in the original. Tell me I didn't! Delsa dreads not anything but typos! and spelling errors!
So, people, they're all mine! Sorry!
On a (somewhat) related note, Elder Holland's talk was one of my favorites from this last General Conference.
With all of the writers out there looking for their golden moment to enlighten the world, why doesn't HP, XP, and all of the other electronic gizmo folks hire some of them to write those darn instruction manuals so that the average computereze impaired individual can understand them? Believe it or not, not everyone who is dependent on a computer and its accessories speaks or understands Geek. There are days when I almost long for my old Smith/Corona. Great column, Delsa. I have to admit I have a soft spot for those American Night Writers people--they're first class all the way.
And Kerry, just blame those typos on too long fingernails, that's what I do. Here's hoping your pit bull gets well fast.
I love Elder Holland. I still remember the first talk he ever gave at conference after being put in the twelve -- "Because She is a Mother." I'd just had my first baby and I bawled all the way through it.
I DO love Elder Holland! I've quoted him in three of my eight books -- the whole theme of the first book was from a talk he gave -- and I use at least one of his quotes in every fireside talk I give to youth.
I did write his words on the white board in the kitchen last week. But I must now confess it was more for my benefit than the dog's.
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