More Annoying Writing Things

by Sariah S. Wilson

Dear Joss Whedon:

I have followed you devotedly for many years. Few TV writers possess your wit, your verve, have their finger so strongly on the pulse of current cultural phenomenons, or write such strong female leads as you do. (Props alone must be given for writing the Buffy musical episode or for writing an entire episode where the whole cast couldn't speak and still managed to make me afraid to look out my windows at night, even now.)

And I will still probably follow your career and see what you do next as you employ some of my favorite actors/actresses and continue to write well.

But you and I need to have a discussion about this need you have to kill loved ones in the series finale.

By now I should expect it, but it doesn't annoy me any less.

I was willing to give you Spike, because Buffy didn't really love him and, awesome as he was, I knew you wouldn't let him stay dead (and sure enough, he enjoyably showed up on "Angel"). I was willing to give you Anya because her relationships had lapsed and she had become less important.

I was fine when Wesley died, because it meant he got to go and be with Fred (and I didn't really mind her "death" either because Illyria was entertaining).

But then in the Firefly movie, I was supposed to be okay with Wash dying? Unexpectedly, when you finally thought the crew would make it?

Or, as this is the reason I'm upset this go round, on "Dollhouse" Echo loses Paul to some random bullet? I'm sure this is all meaningful about how accidentally and quickly it can happen (particularly when they're so close to the end and about to defeat the bad guys), and you were upping the stakes or whatever, and I know you tried to make it okay because she could download him into her head, but you know it's not the same and you made this character on a quest to end her loneliness be the loneliest of all. Not cool. I'm sorry Fox cancelled your show (again), but that wasn't the ending I wanted. I'm irritated that I cared about a pairing that will never be.

This doesn't mean we're over. You'll write, and I'll watch. But I'm starting to be wary of getting invested when I know it won't end well for anyone.

(End of letter.)

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I also had the misfortune recently of picking up the novelization of "Grease."

I wasn't expecting a literary masterpiece. But with movies I enjoy, I will read the book that goes with them (finding it much easier to do it that way than the other way - when I read a book and go see the movie I usually end up angry and frustrated).

So while browsing the library with my kids I happened to see this book sitting out. It was rereleased (originally written back in the '70s) during the 25th anniversary and I picked it up.

I took it home and read until I realized...that the point of view character was Sonny.

That slimy, lame, background character Sonny.

First problem - Sonny's not there when things are happening and so we have to hear about them secondhand. Part of reading a story is getting to be IN the action. I'm not in the action if I'm hearing about Danny and Sandy at the beach from Sonny (who wasn't actually there and seems to be guessing what all went on).

Second problem - I know it's all literary and artsy to have a horrible character as your protagonist, but said character should at least have something going for them to make them readable. I don't have to like them, but I should at least want to spend time in their head. They have to be interesting in some way. Why the author chose to take the least interesting and most annoying character in the movie to tell this story I'll never understand. It would be sort of like reading Harry Potter with Crabbe or Goyle as narrators. Not quite the same.

Third problem - trying to make Sonny the focus of the story. As a useless character (who could easily be wiped from the canvas and the story would not change without him in it, which should have been the author's first clue that this might not be a good idea) it just wrecks the story further and makes it totally unreadable.

So these problems led to me not getting past the first ten pages (and I'm someone who almost always finishes books).

I had to go and cleanse my palate with a Jane Austen and a JK Rowling (authors that I so admire), and am feeling good to go again with a new author.

Anything you've read lately that made you crazy? Or do you have go-to author/book that you read when you've resorted to throwing books against a wall?