Life Really Sucks Sometimes
by Julie Coulter Bellon
It's been a tough week. After reading Stephanie's blog, it seems that a lot of people are suffering through trials this week.
I haven't done any writing at all. There's just nothing left in me right now. You see, at the first of last week, a close friend of mine was dealing with the abandonment of her husband and I was trying to comfort her and help her sort things out. Two days later I was holding another friend (the sweetest, most valiant LDS woman you will ever know) as she cried and mourned the loss of her 21 year old son to a methamphetamine overdose. And two days after that I was mourning the loss of my own baby when I miscarried. Thankfully I have an incredibly supportive and sensitive husband and family who have been absolutely amazing throughout this entire ordeal, but it's been hard for me.
The thing that is the common thread among the three of us–the friend who lost her husband, the friend her lost her son, and me losing the baby, is the guilt. All three of us said the same sort of thing. I should have . . . I could have . . . Maybe if I'd done this . . . I think the adversary uses the tool of guilt to keep us forever wallowing in self-pity and unable to see beyond the moment. I think it's okay for all three of us to be mourning right now and feeling those emotions, but the gospel teaches us that there is so much more to life than suffering. These experiences have a purpose, even if we can't see it right now. Nothing is in vain. And pain is a very effective teacher. I once heard it said that a body can only endure so much physical pain, then it shields itself by slipping into unconsciousness, but there is no limit to spiritual pain. That is why we are told to give our burdens to the Lord. He understands. He knows. He's taken our burdens upon himself already, we just need to be willing to rely on him, to trust him. When the burden is shared, then it's much easier to bear. That's what I'm working on.
So, life really sucks sometimes. But it gets better. And I will appreciate the good all the more when it comes.
It's been a tough week. After reading Stephanie's blog, it seems that a lot of people are suffering through trials this week.
I haven't done any writing at all. There's just nothing left in me right now. You see, at the first of last week, a close friend of mine was dealing with the abandonment of her husband and I was trying to comfort her and help her sort things out. Two days later I was holding another friend (the sweetest, most valiant LDS woman you will ever know) as she cried and mourned the loss of her 21 year old son to a methamphetamine overdose. And two days after that I was mourning the loss of my own baby when I miscarried. Thankfully I have an incredibly supportive and sensitive husband and family who have been absolutely amazing throughout this entire ordeal, but it's been hard for me.
The thing that is the common thread among the three of us–the friend who lost her husband, the friend her lost her son, and me losing the baby, is the guilt. All three of us said the same sort of thing. I should have . . . I could have . . . Maybe if I'd done this . . . I think the adversary uses the tool of guilt to keep us forever wallowing in self-pity and unable to see beyond the moment. I think it's okay for all three of us to be mourning right now and feeling those emotions, but the gospel teaches us that there is so much more to life than suffering. These experiences have a purpose, even if we can't see it right now. Nothing is in vain. And pain is a very effective teacher. I once heard it said that a body can only endure so much physical pain, then it shields itself by slipping into unconsciousness, but there is no limit to spiritual pain. That is why we are told to give our burdens to the Lord. He understands. He knows. He's taken our burdens upon himself already, we just need to be willing to rely on him, to trust him. When the burden is shared, then it's much easier to bear. That's what I'm working on.
So, life really sucks sometimes. But it gets better. And I will appreciate the good all the more when it comes.
Julie Coulter Bellon — 4/27/2006 12:09:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I am sorry for your loss. Mourning is something that is often left out of our culture. I had a religion teacher explain that the Jews had a certain time of mourning when they would put on sackcloth and ashes so everyone knew they were in mourning. He went on to say that often in our culture people do not let those who have had a loss such as miscarriage to mourn. But we should because it is a loss.
And I agree about guilt. It is the adversary's way of keeping us from mourning and moving on. I hope things get better soon, but even if it is not soon, they will get better.
It is a tough week, isn't it?
This week we lost a member of Authors Incognito, an online writing group to which I belong. No he didn't unsubscribe to our list, he unsubscribed to life on earth. It affected me more than I thought it would, probably because my Mother is also expected to die within a week or so.
Sometimes life sucks all right.
It's times like this that I'm glad I have my writing. It has amazing therapeutic properties.
For our tribute to Ben Bracken, whose keyboard went silent yesterday, please check out:
http://ldswritersblogck.blogspot.com/2006/04/tribute-to-ben-bracken-fel_114609011093304966.html
or just go to our home blog page at:
LDSWritersBlogck.blogspot.com
Thanks,
Darvell
Elizabeth, what a profound thought. I'm paralyzed by guilt, a lot, just devastated at times. I've never thought of it that way.
Julie, Lisa (I think she's the one) over at Femininist Mormon Housewives blog (they're nice people, but they probably cuss) wrote a good post about how life sucks, all the sorrow.
I think that many of us think that deeply and feel that pain, but we put on a happy face in church and never really know each other. Bless you, life does suck sometimes. As I age, I am learning that the world is more equitable than I thought and pain comes to everyone.
I bought a whole bunch of cards I found once and on the outside it says, "Life Sucks" and inside it says, "Well, yours, anyway."
I've given it to a couple of friends, who can take that kind of humor and it lifted them.
Julie- My heart aching for you. I remember meeting you at the conference, and it was so much fun. I know there's not much I can say that will help, there has already been so much said. I think you said the best thing yourself, give all your pain to the Lord.
You'll be in my prayers...
Take care.
GP
ps- perhaps this will give you some special material to use in a spiritual book...
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